My Infertility A to Z's

A. Age when you started TTC:  B:  33; me(J):  26.  We got married 5/18/03; I was on BCP for over a year--went off in the summer of '05.  We've been on this journey for 6+ years.  I think I initially signed up for twoweekwait in '04...temped, OPT'ed...it's wasn't until 2006 that I started using fertilityfriend as well.  It was in 2008-9 that we found out about B.  It's been 1-2 years to be ready physically and emotionally for IVF.  During that time, my SIL (who got married 2 years after we did) have had 3 children; and my BIL have had two children who are now almost in double-digits!

B.  Baby Dancing or Sex:  SEX :)  

C.  Children wanted:  When we were dating, we both had agreed we wanted two kids--a boy and a girl.  In fact we had it all figured out...haha...(the best laid plans...) that if we had a girl first, and our second was a boy...we were done.  If we had a boy first and the second was a girl..done.  If we had a boy, then another boy...we were done (we wouldn't try for a third just in case we ended up with 3 boys)..if we had a girl, and then another girl...we'd try once more for a boy...Of course, now, we'd be happy with one healthy child!  We're no longer picky!!  

**Our current joke though is for an extra $1000 we can choose what we want...haha...gotta have a little fun with this stuff or it will seriously drive us both mad!!!

D.  Dogs/Cats:  One dog--the best child substitute right now :)

E.  Essential Oils/Vitamins/Snake Oils:  Just one pre-natal currently.  Be on BCP my next CD 3 in prep. for H20 u/s

F.  Fertility Meds I have taken: None yet.

G.  Gain:  Weight  (each month that goes by...it just does something to ya), stress, a lot of heartache for wanting something I cannot have.  Sadness when someone close to  me announces their pregnancy instead of happiness for them.  Don't get me wrong, I am ecstatic for them, it's just the feeling of "when will it be my turn...and why is everything got to be so hard for us!"  Just sucks that's all...

H.  HSG (Hystosalpingogram):  Had to look that up; haven't had any procedure yet except they did look at my overies with the probing thingy the last time I was there.  

I. Infertile Pet Peeves:  People who resort to abortion as their first choice when they conceive a child.  Insurance companies who will cover the abortion 100% but anything for fertility for medical reasons or otherwise, 0%.  Insensitivity about fertility issues; people who abuse their children that we would give anything for ourselves...wondering what is the lesson that God is trying to give with what He allows to happen and what He doesn't... 

J.  Job title: Teacher; full-time student currently

K.  Kid's names you're afraid will be taken by the time you use them:  Kirsten and Zachary...both already taken by friends/relatives...we don't talk about kid names anymore...nothing to talk about until there's something to talk about...

L:  Length of time trying to conceive:  6 years...have no idea the exact date anymore..nor do I care..too long to think about.  

M.  Miscarriages:  None.  I have never been pregnant, not even a hint.  However, I can't even imagine the pain and heartache that goes through so many that lose a child whether at 6 weeks or 36 weeks...I just can't even imagine!  My heart truly goes out to any of you who fit into that category.  

N.  Number of times you switched OB/GYNs, REs, FSs:  technically 2.  We had a consult about a year ago with the first guy.  Not impressed.  We had another consult with the second RE--really nice, knowledgeable, uses and goes to conferences on the latest technologies, very professional, hubby liked the pictures of kids and families on the wall (major plus for us!)...and it's less money than the first with more options available (also major plus!).  So, we're with number 2.  More on the REs later, I'm sure!

O. Ovarian quality.  Good, I think.  With the probe thingy they saw 23 follicles the last time I was there.  I think all's good with ovarian quality--they will check more in-depth with the H20 u/s--praying for no cysts!

P.  POAS or waiting for AF:  Probably will have a hard time not wanting to POAS after IVF #1...I haven't POAS for few years, as I know there is a slim to nil chance at being pregnant without help...but after IVF, it will be hard...we'll see!!

Q.  Quote from an obnoxious fertile:  Just relax, it will happen when it's supposed to happen!  Have you tried having sex every other day?  

R. ERRRRR!!!

S.  Sperm:  Sperm?  Normal...just blocked!!!!! :(  PESA needed and we're hoping there are lots of them at the sperm production center!!  

T.  Time you tried naturally:  A few years in there...we honestly had no idea and should have had a consult a lot earlier, but we just chocked it up to stress or not trying on the right days for a looong time!

U.  Uterus quality-I think okay, again I will probably know more after May's appt.  

V.  Vagina---:)

W.  What baby stuff do you already have:  not really much of anything.  We have room for him/her....we're just waiting for a baby to fill it :)

X:  X-tra, XX-tra, read all about it, how many people know about your crazy TTC journey:  Well, technically no one really knows what we're doing (IVF)...BUUTTT...I'm pretty sure my mom has her suspicions as does my MIL...and of course, it's kinda obvious that we don't have kids after almost 8 years of marriage...something's up :(  

Y.  Yearly exam:  Yep...every year...I'm good to go:)

Z.  Zits:  That's what make-up was invented, right?  

Thanks Lindsay and Lisa...this was cathartic!   

Also...thank you, my 5 followers, thanks for following me:)  I don't claim to be much of a writer, and I usually don't have a lot of interesting things to say...but it's nice to know there's a support network out there who have been through this infertility stuff...I can't really talk to my family or friends, they can support me, but they have never gone through it...anyhoo...it's just nice!  Thanks :)  Have a great Tuesday!!  J

Criminal Minds' Mind, $274, and Dads....

I slept in this morning.  It felt really good.  I woke my hubby up at 1:00A.M. because I had the need to make sure the guy who came by yesterday didn't leave anything at our door.  He had forms in one hand and a tool box in the other.  He just seemed out of place in our neighborhood--I didn't let him in and didn't give him a chance to explain what he was selling.  I guess he really did scare me--we usually don't get solicitors in our area, I have great neighbors--I'm not really that nervous about someone breaking in (I probably shouldn't be watching so much Criminal Minds--it really starts messing with my head)--but we do have several vacant homes due to the economic recession that's happening in a lot of areas..

We do have a neighborhood watch, but I have never heard about any meetings or problems--the lady who is the head of the program lives just down the street.  My neighbors on all three sides of us are men who would tell off someone who shouldn't be milling around.  I am here with my doggy for a few nights---I am really not a baby when it comes to feeling safe; I do feel safe in my house.  I live in a really family friendly area--I just don't like it when people solicit at my front door--if I'm interested in what you're selling, I will call you, don't just come by.  Okay--done with that.  I feel better now.  So, I ended up not falling asleep until way after 2 A.M.--but I slept in until 10!  It felt wonderful!

I had to make a fuss today.  I don't really enjoy making a fuss about things, but it was $274 I was making a fuss about.  It was worth it and I made my case and they listened to me.  It was worth talking to 3 people to get the answer I was hoping for.  But, seriously, I should not have had to make the fuss to begin with...computer glitch is what they told me what the reason for the error...I feel it was more of a "try to pull a fast one" ...not today, and not right now...when everything else seems so out of control...it's nice to be able to get my way for once.  I was right and I made my point...it felt good to be listened to.

I finished my book this afternoon--I always feel sad after finishing a good book. It's like I can't put it down until I finish it and then when I do finish it I feel sad that's it all over.  I also have to process all the relationships and themes in the book.  Today, while I was making dinner, I was thinking about fear--if I fear things then I am not choosing life....I need to release my fear of the unknown and train my brain to think positively.  Easy to write here, hard to put into practice!

Wow, I didn't think I was really going to write so much.  I was doing some research on what 'new' news what out there on infertility and I came across this article: 
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/11/101129160950.htm

It's about how contact with dads drop during high-fertility rates.  I thought it was amusing because my dad and I have this funny relationship.  We don't talk to each other for months, and then when *I* finally call him we talk for hours.  My excuse for not calling more often has always been I just don't have the time to call him all that frequently, because who has 3 hours to talk every week.  It's funny because I call my mom almost daily...we talk for an average of 5 minutes.  As an anthropology major, I found this article interesting...I just had to laugh a bit because maybe this infertility stuff is messing with my "high-fertility" time periods...haha!!  Ludicrous I know, but funny article nonetheless...at least I thought so! 

Procrastination...

It's been a good weekend.  I spent quality time with my DH.  I watched dumb shows on T.V.  I have an obsession with Criminal Minds.  Of course, now I think anyone coming to the door is a mass murderer.  I sat on my a** and played on my computer.  I worked my CityVille.  I read through the latest comments on twoweekwait.  I finally finished my special ed. homework.  I left that 'till the very last day.  It still got done.  We made two great dinners.  DH grilled burgers Friday nite.  They were delish!  We made chicken fajitas with ground chicken meat last night.  They were wonderful.  DH's is making me dinner tonite.  I am married to the most wonderful man!  I haven't left the house all weekend.  It's been crappy outside.  Monday is a new day.  I forgot to take a prenatal vitamin today.  I need to be more consistent with that pill.  It's so big and it tastes gross!  I need to get my lazy butt to the gym tomorrow.  I need to count my calorie intake for the next 3 months.  I need to lose 20-30 pounds.  I need to be motivated this week.  I need to do my econ homework before Thursday afternoon.  That's when it's due!  DH leaves for a few days next week.  He'll be productive; I need to be productive too.  It's been a good weekend.  I wasn't even worried about not making my deadline for my sped homework.  It's just that it could have been done last week.  I'm finishing laundry--it will be done before bed time.  Tomorrow I won't procrastinate.  I will get things done.